On the date of August 11, 2011. A 97 year
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On the date of August 11, 2011. A 97 year old lady was rushed to the hospital. She had been gaining weight over the past 9 months. I just so happens that
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she had taken quite a few too many trips to KFC in the last year or so, and so as a result, she had to be rushed to the hospital for immediate liposuction or she would explode and
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never be able to eat again. She is now much better and can no longer eat KFC. She now lives off of cornbread and kool-aid. Kool-aid is
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the best thing anyone could have , but for her , drinking it everyday was not her best option . Everytime she drank it , she threw up magic sprinkles . One day she decided to go to
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-tally schitzo. She sat there and smashed her hands against her head and tried to think two thoughts at the same time, while listening to Bjork albums and she finally
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gave up. Her brain was mush. She couldn't become ambidextrous this way. Heck, she'd give her right arm to be ambidextrous. Oh, if only her fairy godsquirrel would give her advice.
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"Store nuts in your mouth," it told her. Her brain being mush, she misinterpreted the message as a solicitation of fellatio. So there she was, blowing the fairy godsquirrel,
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when who else should walk in on them than Simon Goatstrangler, her ex boy friend from a decade ago. She'd never understood why he'd walked out on her, and had often wondered what h
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appened to the short leash she used to lead him around on. She faced him with a semi-embarrassed look on her face, as all women look when old boyfriends show up unexpectedly. She
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rummaged in her kitchen drawer, found the short chain and clipped it back onto his dog collar. He looked at her with love and relief as she yanked him into her arms.
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- Started
- 2011-08-11 11:56:01
- Finished
- 2013-02-26 02:34:53
6 Comments
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lucielucie Feb 26 2013 @ 05:00
*sigh*I love a happy ending
PurpleProf Feb 26 2013 @ 10:39
...and the fairy godsquirrel? Left just standing there, I guess...
Zetawilk Feb 26 2013 @ 12:13
Fairy godsquirrels were a controversial hiring tactic among the fairy tale world, but they turned out to be quite an economical investment because their low-key techniques helped supplant some of the fairy godpeople's theatrics. On one point, squirrels are the ninjas of the animal kingdom, so they don't need to "poof" to disappear. They just do their squirrelly thing.
Zetawilk Feb 26 2013 @ 12:14
Oh, I was thinking the old woman was gaining weight from swallowing spiders, cats, dogs, horses, etc.
lucielucie Feb 26 2013 @ 12:47
I'm not too concerned about the squirrel's feelings. It had already been his lucky day. Simon Goatstrangler wanted to wring his scrawny ginger neck, but he was too tied up to do anything about it.
Zetawilk Feb 26 2013 @ 13:00
Only lucky thing about it was not getting eaten by the crazy old lady.