"please sir, i do believe you are sitting

"please sir, i do believe you are sitting on my hand" "oh sorry old chap i didnt realise you were there, i was too busy...

"....NOT! AHAHAHAH! I KNEW THAT I WAS SITTING ON YOUR BLEEDIN' HAND THE WHOLE BLOODY TIME! I WIN! I WIN! I WIN! By the by, you got the time? I'm due at a meeting by 4:00."

Before he could get a response, he realized that the uncomfortable metal poking the inside of his bum was, in fact, the man's watch. Now neither of them knew what the time was, and

this cause such a great panic in both of them. They could be late to the fancy sex party that was planned later for tonight. They had to find out the time now.

Luckily a slacker named Vance was with them, he claimed to be a Psychic Clock. They asked him what time it was. Vance took a mongo rip of compressed air and said, "

I don't know, I'm not that kind of clock." He exhaled and then went on, " I'm more like a clock for feelings man, you know, like auras and astrology and stuff dude, like, you know

. Like chronologically the time is always 'Now' so what's the point of thinking about the future so much?" The way he ticked and talked and toked, I wanted to punch this clock.

to haggle with him about my lifespan. Father Time said he could compress all my boring moments when I wasn't thinking anything & give me an extra 7 years. But it was a mistake beca

use most of my life had been boring, and I had been bitten by a dog, a rat, and a cat. Ultimately I was just another story in the pages of time, with the boring parts left in.