Once upon a time there was a Princess, named

Once upon a time there was a Princess, named Ashley, who was banished to the evil town of Statesboro. There she attended the boarding school Georgia Southern.

She could not believe that her parents would send her to such an awful place. What had she done to deserve such an awful fate?

Honestly, she didn't mean any harm when she stole her parents' car, took her mom's credit card, picked up her friends, skipped school for two weeks and drive to Ft. Lauderdale.

Nor did she mean to cause inconvenience by beginning a heavy cocaine habit, adopting a stray monkey, or dating the Miami Dolphins. But her parents blew things WAY out of proportion

, as usual. I mean, seriously - it would have been MUCH worse if she had developed a heroin addiction, adopted a stray crocodile, and dated the Jacksonville Jaguars. But they just

thought that Paul Hogan was a terrible representative of Australia. They thought he was sort of the Foster's beer of actors. No, they needed "gravitas."

so they took, wait for it, Mel Gibson. Mel insisted they recast the film in the paleolithic. Everyone had to learn protoindoeuropean. He brought in a gaggle of quarreling linguists

who did nothing but fight over differences in grammer and proper translations, never actually translating the script into the protoindoeuropean masterpiece Mel Gibson was expecting

The flying dutchman who was directing was a perfectionist who brought his parrot into the studio. Polly would not stay home alone and took prozac daily for anxiety.