I'm done. Finished. Good-bye cruel world...good-bye.

I'm done. Finished. Good-bye cruel world...good-bye.

I jumped off the Golden Gate bridge. In a strange quirk of fate, I got caught in a Green Peace banner. After my attempted suicide, I accidentally became the ecology poster boy.

I tried many more times to jump off the bridge. Each time I was saved by the same banner, and each time my reputation with the media grew. I had to stop this now.

The last time I tried to jump there were people below pumping music out of the loudest stereos they could afford. "Might as well jump! Go ahead an jump!" The cheer of Van Halen

about the pain of hitting the pavement below. Shattered bones. Torn flesh. Ruptured nerves. But it wasn't the pain that stopped me from jumping. It was the germs on the street.

People had spit there, dogs had peed. Pieces of gum acted as sticky magnets for all things unclean. No no. If I was going slam head 1st into pavement it would need to be pristine

so I thought the word and I relaxed into hyperslow soongness. "Don't be a Felix," I thought. "Let the man slam your head into clean enough pavement." But I instinctively jaunted to

the left and jinked foward. The man missed my head and slammed into the pavement himself. "You're such a Felix!" he yelled. My feelings really hurt, I booted him out of downtown in

my wacky shoe-car that was driven by a little old lady with twenty-two Daves to feed. "Duh, stay out of Cartoon City!" Bullwinkle called after him, with Dangermouse nodding.