I told the half dozen cats that are holed

  • I told the half dozen cats that are holed up under my house that I tolerated them to stay there just in case I had to move in with them once my house remembers who she is. That day

  • was coming too soon. I knew once the house realised who she was, she'd realise who I was in short order. She might still love me, she might stick a lamp up my ass. Either way, I

  • needed to make a quick trip to the store for some good quality lube.

  • I put the tub of beef dripping on the kitchen table along with a red steel jimmy, silver duck tape, a pack of yellow polyester cotton pillow cases, a jar of nutella and

  • a case of adult diapers. Hmm...what was I forgetting? Oh, right! I'd need something to soak up the beef dripping. I rummaged around under the bed and found some

  • used Odor Eaters (TM). These soaked up the beef drippings beautifully, but when my dog later ate them, he went into convulsions. I put on my adult diapers and paraded around the

  • nursery, getting in touch with my inner baby, compartmentalizing the fact that I still have my taxes to do& instead sucking on my paci. I felt like bawling. I was thirsty! "Momma!"

  • I wailed. Big, fat tears rolled down my cheeks, splashing onto the foam play-mat beneath me. My pacifier slipped from my mouth and bounced away, which made me wail harder.

  • I could hear my mother enter my room with a worried look on her face. "Oh my god, baby! What's wrong with you this time?" She asked, before running up to me and carrying me.

  • "Nothing, mom. I've just thought I've saw something.". I replied. Then, she took me away from that place, where I hope I will never return again.



  1. pinky Apr 28 2018 @ 16:10

    And the award for *Making Me Snort Soda Out of My Nose* goes to...ta da da bump!...49erFaithful! Knarf!

  2. LordVacuity Apr 28 2018 @ 16:56

    Poor adequate lube is cheaper.

  3. pinky Apr 28 2018 @ 17:32

    Unless you go to the Cheaper by the Case! store and haggle for a better unit price on the top quality stuff. And anyway, do you really want to go cheaper on the only thing between you and your Calvin Klien's?

  4. LordVacuity Apr 28 2018 @ 17:44

    If it is a Klein bottle I will be outside myself.

  5. 49erFaithful May 14 2019 @ 11:29

    Glad to know it Pinky! Knarf to you as well!

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