"Enjoy." smiled the motel clerk, passing
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"Enjoy." smiled the motel clerk, passing me the key from behind the bullet-proof glass. As he turned to watch Top Gear, I trudged past the dirty ash trays to my hollow-core door.
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This nondescript dump would be perfect for my next assembly. I'd only rented the room for 2 hours so I had to be quick about it. Get in, take care of business, get out. I grabbed
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flushable wipes because that's how I roll. I checked the toilet seat for bugs and unknown hairs--always. Also check that the floor isn't wet so I don't drop my drawers in a puddle
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of foreign piss. There's nothing worse than realizing your drawers are wet after you've put them on... Anyways, after I finally sat on the china throne and relieved myself, I found
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my subjects dishonoring me with giggling. "I AM LORD CAO PAI OF THE DU DYNASTY!" I roared to command my respect. Alas, the laughter got louder. Being king of China was
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not easy, and my friend Xiahou Dun's attempt to console me didn't help. People respected him because he ate marshmallows off of toothpicks like a badass. "Cao Pi," he told me, "Let
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us go drink toothpicks in marshmallows. Surely that will be a greater accomplishment! After carefully molding a cup made of hardened marshmallows and filling it with toothpicks,
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we downed our spiked drinks in one gulp, and choked. While the hidden toothpicks pierced our throats and stomachs from within, each of us closely studied the other for a sign of
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an internal monologue, the clearest indication of how close one is near to death. I had almost reached the point of internalising my last unheard words when
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my alarm clock went off. Dammit. Happens every time.
2
- Started
- 2012-04-18 22:43:46
- Finished
- 2015-03-30 19:55:17
2 Comments
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PurpleProf Mar 30 2015 @ 19:58
What happened here, you see is that he was so tired, he fell asleep on the toilet and then had a very strange dream. Yeah, that's it. That's exactly what happened.
49erFaithful Apr 01 2015 @ 15:13
I swear there was a dude asleep standing up at a urinal the other day. Seen the asleep on the toilet before but asleep at the urinal was a new one for me.