Wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, &

Wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, & gluttony. Quirly Quinn drew a line beside the list. He'd been on the winning side of every deal he'd ever bargained &decided to tempt Sata

Claus, Santa Claus' younger sister. But Sata Claus'd received offers before. She hung up on Quirly Quinn. "Damn telemarketers," she muttered to Rudolph, who wagged his tail and bar

-hopped when he was in the manic phase. Sata noticed Rudy's tail wagging enthusiastically, so she sighed, gave him 10 twenties, and opened the front door. The phone again rang

because Sata is all about the meta-throwback ironic stuff and had set her cell phone to ring like one of the old phones with the rotary dial. But her dog Rudy sick of her cheap

had been trying to teach Rudy to listen for new ringtones. Every night, Sata's friends would meet outside her house and teach Rudy how to find good ringtones. The dog had found out

a way to download them faster, and showed Rudy and Sata how to do it. They soon decided to open their own ringtones shop in a small corner down the street. It became so popular

whole GNPs of nations were based on catchy ditties. Rudy, Sata, and the other one ,had cornered the market on ringtones. Independent mom and pop operations were forced to

pull the old John Green trick and co-opt slogans from old folk singers for their laptops, unaware that they were simultaneously killing fascists and the environment. Coal is a hell

of a fuel. Cheap. Dirty. Deadly, sometimes. Like a few women they knew. Laughing at things funny only to themselves, they headed home...drunk...disillusioned. See ya next weekend.