The mirror hummed to itself as Kevin D. shaved

The mirror hummed to itself as Kevin D. shaved one nice spring morning. It was only a $20 medicine cabinet with a mirror door from Do-It Depot, but it had a very dark past. Kevin

asked, "Do-it Depot mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?" The mirror burbled, "Kevin thou art fair, buff & tall but Brad, your brother is fairest of all!" Oh the ago

raphobia was killing him! Kevin had to get to a smaller room and figure out a way to make himself more beautiful than his evil brother Brad. The Mister America pageant was only two

contestants strong because Blake forgot to mail the invites. The Mr. America Pageant had Brad and Kevin and that was it. Since there was only two a cage match was set up.

Brad and Kevin oiled up and stepped into the cage. The emcee said "Why do you think you should be crowned Mr. America? Go!" Brad got Kevin in a headlock and said "Ever since I was

an apple pie loving kid I've wanted to throw that frisbee for the hometeam."Kevin slipped out of the headlock & half-willie nelsoned Brad. "I wear stars-n-stripe undies & have feat

-ured Kid Rock on multiple studio albums." A judge hit the gong, commencing the Mr. America swimsuit round. Kevin rocked his patriotic skivvies. Brad had "I Luv Putin" tattooed on

his shoulder, and the girls sneered at the ink. The nest man in the Mr. America competition had better taste, and his tattoo was of

Men and women alike were attracted to his brilliant plumage. He didn't like his mother's cooking, but life as a bird sure was pretty sweet the more he thought about it.