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A long long long long long time ago, back

  • A long long long long long time ago, back in the ancient times, there was a dog named Raphiel. Raphiel was shorter than other dogs, but on one particular day, something happened.

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  • a miserable death

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  • was too good for him. What I wanted him to do was go on a reality show where he was sent to the Alaskan wilderness to learn survival and tango dancing. I wanted suffering.

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  • Unfortunately he loved suffering, so watching him suffer was not pleasurable to me because it was pleasurable to him. How can I make him suffer I wondered.

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  • Torturing masochists isn't a matter of reverse psychology. I couldn't just poke him with soft cushions in a comfy chair. And being extreme is a guessing game. I'm much more method-

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  • Methadone.. The heroine substitute. Look I'm a smackhead who read a psychology book once. I like to sound informed but most of what I say is pseudo-intellectual waffle. I suck

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  • ed the tail and ate the head, sitting there at the Mardi Gras party,waxing eloquent, while a small crowd gathered to listen to what else I had to say. Maybe I should run for office

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  • or start my own cult. People seem really interested in my points of view. I'll charm them with the political stuff at first, then work towards revealing that I'm the new Jesus.

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  • My charm worked so well that people built a giant statue towering over Rio De Janeiro. Bow to me for I am your messiah. Suckers!

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