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Harrison Chalmers, heir to the vast noodle

  • Harrison Chalmers, heir to the vast noodle empire, vanished at sea in the winter of 1841. Some say he fell overboard; maybe he was pushed. The Flying Spaghetti Monster was yet un

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  • usually quiet the day Harrison Chalmers went missing. Meatball shark were known to infest the waters around Cape Udon. Unfortunately in 1841 life rafts were not

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  • ably absent on culinary cruises. The pasta kelp was thick & Harrison struggled to stay afloat in the brothy waters. At least udon is served in cold broth he thought.

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  • As he continued to hold Starr's head under he added, "As Revenge is a dish best served, thusly." When the slow bubbles stopped rising from the udon broth, Harrison grabbed a noodle

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  • and, using his noodle, pushed against the side of the simmering broth pot so that he could swirl around and around amongst the turnips as he watched Starr sink to the bottom. Udon

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  • was a name that I thought Saddam had named one of his sons. Nope, it's a Japanese soup and I'm probably going to drown in it. Because death would be upon me soon, I astral projecte

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  • d to a nearby moon. If things got too unstable, I'd be able to stay here long enough to recover my chakra. I had no idea what kind of range this soup had, and I was taking no chan

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  • ces. This planet was purportedly uninhabited, but maybe its moon would have strange creatures and I would need my pea soup-shooting gun for protection. If I could find some way to

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  • use the restroom in peace, I would be eternally grateful to whatever god reigned supreme over this vast expanse of land. Instead, I would have to settle for

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  • my girlfriends forming a circle around me facing outward and promising not to look.

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