Santa is Satan, dontcha know. Think about

Santa is Satan, dontcha know. Think about it. Both wear red. Both like horned animals. Both enjoy extreme temperatures. And both want to be the center of attention at Xmas.

and both have little minions running around doing whatever they ordered, the similarities are creepy. I prefer Santa over Satan though, Santa puts things in my stockings but Satan

puts things in my mind that often get me into fun predicaments. Like, this one time at Band Camp ... well, MAYBE I shouldn't discuss that. But I still love BOTH Santa and Satan b

ecause they look good in red, which isn't common for bigger men. Also they both know when I've been naughty even when it isn't with them. I don't judge people who like to watch, bu

there is not excuse for poor grooming. A beard should not contain food crumbs, chimney soot and Christmas ribbon. Bigger men must also be careful about their body odour which

can choke small mammals if they are not careful. There once was a man who killed much of Peru simply because he forgot to wash behind his ears. Anyways, the real message of this is

-oteric tale told by a mad fool is this: Beware of the incredibly

Docile attempt of being normal. Shout profusely at stop lights if that's your only alone time to belt it out. Get the heart pumping. Why? Because between you and I

, we both know that the villain is driving the bright green Honda CRV. We'll need to be alert if we are hoping to

cut him off at the pass and make it to the McDonald's ribwich festival first. Why the hell can't they just serve ribwiches all year 'round? Then we wouldn't need to play dirty.