And it began. Not the way she had expected

And it began. Not the way she had expected it to but with slow burn of momentum. Covering everything she knew to be important, her story woulf break new ground, would open doors.

Unfortunately it her groundbreaking story landed on the desk of an editor's assistant. The assistant was lazy and total jackass. When he saw the title of her story he

winced and said, “Yeah, ummm, “Get Your Tongue Out My Mouth, I'm Kissing You Goodbye” is already on Amazon.” So was my backup title, “If Your Phone Doesn't Ring It'll Be Me.”

Just then the phone rang. I turned down "I Miss My Ex, But My Aim Is Getting Better" which was blaring from the radio, and picked up. The caller asked for Amanda Huggenkiss. I yell

"Well if you've seen them I'm looking for them too!" and hang up. They're always calling my ex here, even though she never LIVED here. Fucking computers. Creditors do the same.

Sure wish my ex would call. Not so much that I missed her, but wanted her to see me livin' large. Awww who am I kidding? I am catatonic in my lonliness. Have been for years. Also,

the current is not just right for my bottled messages. Maybe my ex will walk by that beach we found love. Maybe a signal flare or semaphore. I just don't think I'm getting through.

So I went with the obvious. It was so obvious, she wouldn't expect it. A singing telegram would express my feelings. But not just any singing telegram. One that would feature

his excellency the ambassador of Russia. The telegram was to be sent post haste. The clerk at the telegram office ran into some trouble with the Russian Mafia on the way

home from work; they did not tolerate any bad words and would leave the ambassador a clear message of his wrong by ruffing the messenger out of business.