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There are few known facts in this world,

  • There are few known facts in this world, but one of them is that sweater vests look ridiculous, regardless of the attractiveness of the wearer. Matthew was no exception.

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  • "The tag says this sweater vest is made from '100% mountain goat beard,'" Matthew boasted. Tch, that mountain was probably a pile of dirt, a dwarf mountain at best. What an ugly

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  • mountain goat that must have been to produce such a monstrous item of clothing. Besides, who would wear a sweater created from the prickly beard of a goat? It would only

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  • serve to keep thee warm me boy! Wear it proudly! Your mother spent six month knitting that prickly goat beard to warm you against the North Atlantic squall! Scratch if you must!

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  • "Dad," I said, with some regret, "I will wear Mom's knitted beard out of compassion and respect, for I have mastered Tummo for the chill and have also been in touch with Pleiadian

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  • , the master doily maker." "NO! Not Pleidian the Doily Maker!" gasped Dad. "Alas, yes," I replied, pulling the knitted beard over my embarrassed face. "But I had no choice because

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  • mother needed some new armchair covers & well, you know I would do anything for Mom." Dad was pissed. I'd betrayed him. Plus, I'd forgotten to mow the lawn like he'd asked.

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  • But the lawn could wait, and Mom generally couldn't. The last time I made her wait longer than 5 minutes, she ripped a hole in the space time continuum and

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  • The delorian's frontal gasket broke completely off. No sir, you do NOT want to keep that woman waiting. As I ran back towards the house my eyes caught a glimpse of the vicious be

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  • larusian ski biathlon medallist & part-time firing squad member putting on her lipstick & raising her rifle. 'That shade's to die for' was my last thought before the impact.

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