The air was thick with fog, and monstrous

The air was thick with fog, and monstrous growls could be heard from within.

Something was gurgling from deep within the swamp.

I stared at it deeply trying to discover what was beneath. As I crept closer toward the water I heard a voice behind me whisper my name, but when I turned around there was no one.

"Pssst, it's me, Kermit the frog." I finally spotted him, legs dangling from a rock. "I'm in excruciating pain, since I'm not allowed to die, but everyone needs to. Please kill me.

I must say, Kermit’s plea for me to kill him was something I gave serious thought to. I always HATED the Muppets and couldn’t pass up an opportunity to off one of them. So I picked

up a knife and lunged at his little felt body full force. Dud. It was a fake knife, and its dull blade slid back into its handle. "Christ!" shouted Kermit, "Can't you do anything?"

Miss Piggy was quick to rage. This flaccid excuse for a lover and dreamer was about to croak—not by the blade of his own knife, but instead, by the ham-fisted karate chop of

Freedom! Miss Piggy executed the Karate Chop of Freedom upon her geriatric rainbow-connecting Muppet and was instantly whisked off to the magical land of Marionettes, where

she could live the rest of her days in bliss, content to be a Muppet forever. For what is it to be a muppet, but to be a puppet, and aren't we all, hoping for freedom to simply be.

Be ourselves, give the gifts we have to share, bring joy to children, and hopefully find some yummy snacks to enjoy. She sighed with relief and looked around for her friend Kermy.