I'm fond of crushing snakes, but I always

I'm fond of crushing snakes, but I always hated when they bit my ankle in self-defense. That's why I hike in snakeskin boots. Snakes won't bite a fallen comrade, they're honorable

and so crushable. When I press my snakeskin boot through the live snake flesh it's as if I'm squeezing that wasted lifenergy back into the Earth to start over. If you match species

by colour, you should probably start with grey. I represent a species colour matching organisation which meets fortnightly to discuss this seasons latest in animal

couter. Animal fashion is very important and color selection is everything. I mean, look how well things turned out for the Zebra. Iconic. You don't want to end up like color vomit

. Trust us; that is not an easy substance to get out of fur. Once it's there, it's stays. Zebras can wipe it right off, with maybe a few smears, but polar bears have to be careful.

He pawed and licked and licked again. No use. He dragged his polar butt across the snow. Nothing. He scraped his back against an iceberg until his fur was soaking wet. The goo

stuck to his fur. It even covered much of the landscape. Could it be connected to the new deepwater oil rig they had put up in his neighbourhood? The little polar bear dismissed

his minions and went back to fishing in the oil slick. "Nothing will stop me from catching that wily salmon!" he thought to himself as the crude oil soaked into his fur and entered

She found the salmon in a wrecked Ford Explorer and swam to the surface. Sally, an office drone, saw everything on YouTube, unclipped her badge, and walked out.