Mr. Henry's history class was very popular

Mr. Henry's history class was very popular because of the period costume banquet that served as final exam. King Henry's feast featured roast pig, a jester, & a mock beheading but

This year, something didn't seem right.

He checked his calendar. Every Tuesday was missing. Not the most popular day, but gone? How could he watch NCIS LA? When would his trash be picked up? He called the White House.

It was one of those Republican Turettes situations that the Neo-Cons tried to cloak. But Newt was having none of it. The anti-tax part of his brain had just crossed wires with the

power lines in which his body was entangled. But rather than killing Newt -- or Newty, as his girlfriend liked to call him on weekends -- the surge of electrons only strengthened

his superhuman amphibian powers. As his girlfriend already knew, Newty could do everything a newt could do including copulating in damp environments. He licked his eyeballs manfull

y and strode into the burning field. Newty's thick mucous coating protected him from the flames as he attempted to find his girlfriend's fedora. She was hip. And Newty wanted her t

hreadbare fedora, and wanted it badly, ever since he spotted her wearing it in that bar in Soho. Newty held his breath as he leapt through the fire to retrieve the fedora. He

was quite aware of the dire circumstances, but knew that if this fedora were to fall victim to the fire, then the hipster scene would be at a tragic loss.