I almost always get a little teary eyed at

I almost always get a little teary eyed at moments of greatness. Whether I’m reading something that is particularly well done, or reading the story of something great, I usually

lose myself into the person's greatness because I am just that impressionable. I walked around with my eyes closed and ear plugs, just to be like Helen Keller, which pissed my

various Sesame Street characters. If only I could find a way to stick to the ceiling, like spiderman. She would never see me there!

I had to find a hiding place. As they came closer, I quickly realized they weren't normal Muppets - these were freakin' undead zombie Muppets! Stifling a scream, I

looked on in horror. Cookie monster just spit out the chewed up head of Mr. Pooper or was it Looper? I can't remember. To distract the unmuppets I sang the alphabet song, "A is

for Azzazle!" and of course, as he is prone to, Azzazle. Until he said his name backwards - ELZAZZA - he would reamain and confront the unmuppets for me. Unfortunately, he has a

2:30 doctor's appointment that absolutely cannot be rescheduled, and had to leave. All alone, the unmuppets surrounded me and drew guns. "Any last words, asshole?" asked Unkermit.

“Yeah. Your momma was a catfish and your daddy was a Leprechaun,” I said. Enraged, Unkermit dropped his gun and lunged for my hand. The rest of the unmuppets started shooting

and I went down like a sack a potatoes. Y'know, it never does go down like in the movies. My advice: when the unmuppets take Manhattan, it's best just to let 'em take it.