Thump. Swish! Crash. Bang! What is going

Thump. Swish! Crash. Bang! What is going on up there?

"Nothing, Mom!" (whispers....THUD!) "You're up to something!" (dragging sound) "IT'S NOTHING! I'm (oomph) just rearranging my room!" (CRASH!) "I'm coming up there!" "NO! DON'T

COME UP HERE! I'M NAKED!" I screamed in desperation. "WHY ARE YOU NAKED?"

"Because I'm freakin' SPIDERMAN!"

I spin my webs, any size. catch some thieves, just like flies. listen bud, I've got radioactive blood, hey there, I'm a bugeyed, and my hair fell out, now I look like

Charlie Sheen and Gary Busy in a skin-grafting accident. But this one thief I caught in the web changed my life forever. It wasn't the face, or great smell, no, it was

the texture of his hair. Silky, but with just a touch of grit that made me think he'd rubbed his noggin in the catbox or sandbox or some box or other. He'd been stealing credit

cards and using them to order things on Chewy.com. I found the stolen credit cards at the bottom of his cat-box, which he assumed I never emptied. They were in no condition to be

auctioned but that didn't stop me. I called in a few favors and in one case I had to beg, but I got the stolen credit cards the cat left listed at Christies. It was expected that I

would discipline the cat, which had an unusually long tail. I locked the cat in a room in my house, which I filled wall to wall with a bunch of motorized rocking chairs. Mee-OWWWW!