He loosened the screws on the front tire

He loosened the screws on the front tire until the nuts almost fell off. That's when Frankie came out. He jumped on the bike. He said, "Frankie, pop a wheely!" Frankie rode hard

up the hill. He always did this for maximum speed and effect, and to show off for Joline. After a nod to his princess, he turned and pulled the front up. The wheel flew off ahead

of the Justin Bieber tour bus. Unfortunately there were no fatalities. But there were

about all the wonderful bone china that had smashed when that idiot son-in-law of Sylvia came over for tea. Such a waste, Maude loved to get the set out on special occassions like

hamster funerals. At these times she was always tempted ot make Jerry Penacoli jokes, but it was just too easy. And not in keeping with the sadness of the occasion. She loved Jerry

more than she could express in words; it was only through a 14 minute improvised bagpipe solo, complete with Scottish regalia, that she was able to fully mourn his loss. "At last,

I can move on with my life." She threw down her shoulder tartan and ripped off her dress, streaking out of the funereal proceedings. Eagerly in pursuit were several male bachelors.

But they were outrun by lesbians - Ellen Degeneres and Rosie O'Donnel caught up with the naked bachelorette. They wooed together in the traditional lesbian madrigal "Lip-Locked."

Their video went viral. So Ellen and Rosie were forced to co host every awards show for the next two years. The moral? Do not tread where the lez been.