I met the clouds when Abdel took up to oud

I met the clouds when Abdel took up to oud and Fatimah sang of the Arab Middle Kingdom. The Star of the East rose and many nights and sweet longing for love were reawakened.

I sang of the Desert Rose and the sweet music she made with her mizwad. The drone of the bagpipes drifted like smoke across the Saharan dunes while I lay with the sweeping Milky Wa

-y dripping down my lips. It was another cold night with me sleeping in the forest, comforted by soft moss and fallen leaves. I held my hand out and the moonlight reached back.

. My main vein. Which I needed to drain. I mean, I needed to make it rain like Dick Night Train Lane on the plains of Spain. So after drying off

my main drain with a fluffy yellow towel, I took a train to visit Jane in the Ukraine. I once loved Jane, but she was rather mundane &, well, plain. But she sure had a nice set of

salt & pepper shakers. Each was shaped like a woman's breast with little holes in the nipples. Jane was driving me insane so I left her and took her shakers. I would fill them with

secrets, but only my deepest, darkest ones. It was all I had left of crazy Jane, those boobular salt and pepper shakers. But I had one terrible secret still burning inside me.

But you have to promise not to laugh. OK? And you have to promise never to tell anyone, OK? Pinkie promise? OK. I posted a porn movie starring my salt & pepper shakers on BoobTube.

What were the chances that the person I met had the same condiment fetish I had? I showed my hidden cannister of cayenne pepper. Our torrid affair was the spice of life.