I was going home, suddenly in front of me

I was going home, suddenly in front of me stood a vampire with sharp razor teeth. In vampire's eyes i could see laser shooting out towards me, i was rooted to the ground..

and then fell over when the laser zapped the roots at my feet. Zing! That stings. Don't ever do what I just did. The vampire's toothy grin and hypnotic eyes held me in place,

sending chills down my spine. Though his eyes were filled with the darkness of souls devoured, a seductive twinge of curiosity pokes through. I need to know him more than just a

a face in the crowd. I need to know him more because he might need me to rip his casket open while the sun is up and drive a rusty stake into his evil heart. But I'm babysitting

a litter of weasel kittens & I'm breast-feeding on demand. It's an added extra I offer to regular customers. So I texted the vampire: SEND YR PERSONAL INFO. STAKE AVLBLE. YOLO LOL

The vampire actually texted back! (So gullible muahaha!) He sent his social security number and address, too, so I showed up at his house with the weasel kittens after stealing his

porch? I began to sing "Stoat Hearted Men", knowing that the weasel was a Nelson Eddy fan, and sure enough, he charged me like a mongoose at a cobra. Finally I could impersonate

Nelson Eddy and serve Guinness Stout to the weasel, who polished it off in 19:52. A new world record. Weasels drinking Guinness Stout. The porch blinked and a light came on when

19:53 brought a ferret who was a sushi chef at San Francisco's Benihana just off the North Shore. The weasel threw down the gauntlet and radio history was made by Purple Grape.