"Good morning! How are you?" He vibrated

  • "Good morning! How are you?" He vibrated with rage. "How in hell would that be any of your damn business?! I'm fed up with your intrusive questions. By the way, how are you?"

  • And with that, he stormed out of the shop, weeping furiously. He pouted, and whipped out his Jar of Tears and made a large deposit. The Oak Tree of Tears would need watering

  • It wasn't doing too well, the salty tears had leeched most of the minerals out of the soil, & it's branches hung sadly at it's sides like a great weeping willow. He decided to hang

  • a Lumberjacks Wanted sign on the Giving Tree. He was a virtue egoist, so he'd be damned if he let an ethically naturalistic utilitarian cry-baby cypress give his other trees ideas.

  • But the Giving Tree was also in debt to the Lending Tree, and seeing the naturalistic cypress happy really pissed him off. So the Giving Tree looked for a

  • more direct course of action. He found it in the Dogwood Tree. The Dogwood was a shady dodger. A grifter. He moved from town to town ripping off the saplings and duping the

  • duplicitous double-entendre of Blueberry Hill. Now onto number 3, the larch. Nobody likes dumb larches. The Dogwood was a loan shark who crucified destitutes who couldn't pay up.

  • The crosses stretched across the desert like an elongated military cemetery. Kowalski had it in for the Dogwood, that child-molesting amateur. He gunned the engine of his white

  • hearse and sped away in hot pursuit. Kowalski muttered under his breath, cursing the Dogwood once again, wishing he'd finished what he started back in '68. But he'd been weak. Now

  • was his chance to make good on all those failures and missed opportunities. Would he make it in time? Tune in next week for the thrilling conclusion! Same time, same channel.



  1. 49erFaithful Oct 22 2013 @ 12:01

    I give this story tree out of tree stars.

  2. SlimWhitman Oct 22 2013 @ 16:35

    Don't fall asleep under the Shuriken tree in Autumn...

  3. Zetawilk Oct 23 2013 @ 00:07

    That would make an excellent title for a ninja story, SlimWhitman. Or at least, I think so.

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