When I got the job at Apple in IT or something,

When I got the job at Apple in IT or something, they gave me a tiny egg box & said I could store my eggs in the staff fridge in the kitchenette for a rainy day. The egg harvester

really creeped me out though. Whenever I walked by that contraption at work, I had to distract myself by thinking happy thoughts and singing. Not eggsactly inconspicuous, but

the it just kept me sane during the brief interval when I passed by the machine & it began to whirr & clatter, as he camera eyes tracked me. My bosses copier/hall monitor recognize

the slight twinkle in my eyes. It takes me but a moment to realize that it is staring into my soul and sucking it in. I didn't understand

but somehow knew. With that soul-searing gaze, I had found my spirit animal. I paid homage to him, bringing him finely minced carrots, and making him a crown of twigs. The Rabbit.

fertile. With the rabbit as my spirit animal I had to return to my stinking tribe. They would ridicule me for my sweet, furry spirit animal. They had wolves, bears, coyotes.

My rabbit, named Bernard, was giving his rabbit of approval to organic foods. He would only eat organic. My tribe didn't do that so diligently. They ate too much junk food daily!

So Bernard Bunny stormed into the fast food joint and caused an uproar the likes of Jesus at the money-changers' stalls. He knocked over the fry machine and kicked in the soda foun

tain. He called them fat mongers and chased out the children. He was tossed in jail for disturbing the peace but McDonalds did create a healthy option name after him, the BB salad.