"You know when you like do that thing where

"You know when you like do that thing where you like say that thing that's like-- You know like... You know?"

Yeah. I knew. But I wanted that guy to come right out and SAY it. "What is it, exactly, that you want?" I asked, as innocently as I could. "Spit it out for me, darling."

He quickly spat out a large wad of Big League Chew bubble gum into his palm and handed me a thin piece of cardboard. "Here's my card," he said. "Wanna trade?"

The card was still wet from when I watched him pull it out of the crick. It didn't even have anything on it. "Listen," I said, slapping the gum out of his hand. "This is the deal.

You find out where the old man's seven ex-wives are holed up, and I'll see to it that you get to the rest of your militia safely and without incident." I stared at him, itching to

take off the ill-fitting underwear that was causing me such irritation and discomfort, but unfortunately that would have to wait. "Yes sir," I saluted. "I'll prepare the

eggs Benedict right away." She walked back to her quarter and took to twitter: "I joined the Army to fight, not cook." Before long, she took to the skies, joining the Air Force.

Eggs Benedict volunteered for a mission to Mars. A jury of green men were in charge of selecting the participants, because there was always the chance they may never return.

Being moldy, the jury of green men knew what it was like themselves, to be rotten and expendable. They have spent many a year in a container at the back of my fridge. I am too