... and amplifiers, iPods, cd players, and

... and amplifiers, iPods, cd players, and Blue-Ray players." The Radio-Shack lackey advised me. "I just want an AM/FM radio." "I'm sorry we don't carry those."

The man at the gas station pulled his hands out of his pants and said, "You ain't from around here are you?" Shit. Even this simpleton could tell I was undercover so I cleverly

put *my* hands in his pants. This shut him up. "Um, you need some gas or something?" he said. I just stood there with my hands in his pockets. I needed time to think. I needed

a way to fill my car's tank, and I had no money. My last cent was gone. He was looking at me, turning a little red since my hands still in his pockets. Was I really this desperate?

He seemed to come to a decision as he turned round and walked quickly towards the cashiers office. As my hands were still in his pockets I was dragged behind skipping to keep up

with the cardiovascular regimen my physician had recommended. He approached the cashier, smiled, and then raised me aloft, pointing me threateningly at the shocked clerk. "This is

a stick up. Give me all your money &, uh, a pack of them thar Marlboros! And make it snappy!" he said, waving me under the cashier's nose. The cashier nodded, turned, & pushed the

emergency button underneath the ledge. The cashier handed over the money & the Marlboros without expression. I, being the weapon at hand, was petrified when the police suddenly

broke through the back door. I was cuffed and sent behind bars for a good twenty years. Yay.