"My pants stopped global warming, and I can

"My pants stopped global warming, and I can prove it," Timmy Toms said. Mr. Paulsen grimaced. "Timmy, this is supposed to be your science project, not another senior prank that

puts you back in detention. Do you want to get into trouble? " Timmy didn't speak, just showed his science teacher and the classmates his magic pants.

"Magnets? Quantum physics? String theory?" inquired his science teacher. Timmy just shrugged and walked onto the ceiling with his pants. "Just magic."

As Timmy stood upside down on the ceiling, he fell through an acoustic tile into the space between the ceiling and the school roof and saw..."Mr. Degler! They said you'd retired!"

"Well, in a manner of speaking, Timmy, I was retired, by evil Mrs Bengston who wanted me out of the way so she could take over my cushy Home Ec assignment. Now if you'll release me

I promise not to curdle your milk this Tuesday. Not that it matters, somebody is sure to do it anyway but it won't be me. That is my promise. Now let me go." Timmy considered him a

liar, but let him go anyways. He had a plane to catch, after all. Timmy was going to Iceland. He was quite excited about it too. He let go of the man, and

the man straightened his pilot's suit and denied Timmy entrance to the plane. Timmy put up such a fuss at this point that the airport guards had to lock him in the Ladies room

Where it was learned Cecil was a sealion. Timmy was most impressed by Cecil speaking perfect Queern's English. Sealions went to school and had better instructors than most humans.