I suppose, in hindsight, I shouldn't of given

I suppose, in hindsight, I shouldn't of given that monkey a loaded revolver. It was an easy misake to make though. I didn't think much of it at the time. I was too busy laughing at

his attempt to write "Hamlet" alongside an infinite number of monkeys with infinite iPads. But Bobo preferred to shoot his detractors rather than throw poop at them. He aimed at me

"Bloody, bawdy villain! Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous, kindles villain!", I cried. Bobo's aim waivered. He looked at his Ipad, dropped the weapon and typed "Bloody...

pre-Metaclasmic technology! Useless, stupid baubles! Sucked into someone else's dream, we can't even look at our hands to regain control! Thou vain yet stylish winter cricket,

stop giving me unsolicited advice. Jiminey was nonplussed. Had the woody little lad actually rebuffed him? "Listen Pine Oaky Dolt, I'm the only thing you got. Your dad threw you ou

t like so much kindling. With a schnoz like yours, you will never make it in Hollywood. What you need is an agent. Jims the Cricks is me and I can get you into pictures at 10 per.

In fact, my agency already has some starring rolls lined up for you: Dumbo, and Operation: Dumbo Drop. Or the Elephant Man. Karl Malden called, he's jealous. So whaddaya say?

ed?" I replied, finally sensing the elephant in the room. I looked around accusingly with my one good eye. "I want the lead role. I want to play opposite of Sophia Vergara."

The elephant (aka Sophia's agent) pointed out that under the terms of my restraining order, I couldn't approach within 100 metres of Ms Sophia Vergara, scuppering my dream forever.