So I am thinking of suing the Skittles candy

So I am thinking of suing the Skittles candy company. Turns out that a rainbow tastes NOTHING like their nasty bag of sugary treats. I figured this out over the past weekend

When I decided to gorge myself. See, it was a rainy day, then the sun came out, there was a rainbow, I was bored, you can imagine the rest. Turns out rainbows taste like unicorn

semen. Ewwww.. I know! Turns out that unicorns really really like rainbows. I mean really REALLY like them. It's not like rainbows even have a choice being a stuck natural phenomen

ll upon my family for centuries. A comet once fell on my great grandfather while he was on a riverboat playing poker. A pea-sized meteor had punched a hole through my mother's

nose, causing a third nostril. In 1789 the moon's gravity caused my great uncle Pervious' pantaloons to bunch up dreadfully. Why, even last week my sister was starry-eyed over a

Sighting of Benjamin Bunny. Uncle Pervious and Benjamin Bunny watched the harvest moon on October 5, 1789. Without a camera he had to do a quick sketch. The third nostril opened.

Copious waving tentacles slithered out. I gasped as I realized my friend Benjamin Bunny had fallen prey to the alien creature. His lifeless body now bursting with tentacles

I ran in the opposite direction, remembering instead the warmth and unlikely hope Benjamin had brought to our lives recently. The death of the alien became a personal need, my reve

nant revelation. After all, I was born human--I loved, laughed, and cried as a human. . .but my will to survive was far too strong. I wanted to live. . .free. . .without bounds.