once upon a time, there lived a monster who

once upon a time, there lived a monster who lived in a toy shop. His name was Kevin, his job was to make sure the shop was not broken into at night

When the shop was broken into, Kevin unleashed his dark side. Never the kind and fluffy type, the monster prefers to scare intruders by placing toys into accusing positions. That's

the mild dose of retribution. If the intruders persist, Kevin will have the toys follow them, jump out at them, and call out their names. Only once has the monster Kevin had to

make an actual appearance. Ever since that fateful May day when a trio of misfits ventured into Kevin the monster's lair - he ate them, legend has it - few people come to visit.

Now Kevin the monster lives alone in his cave, only coming out at night. The truth is that he is lonely, and he regrets having eaten those young misfits. But nobody will ever visit

Kevin the monster in his cave until he dies alone of loneliness." Mommy glared at me. "What lesson does that teach you?" I had no idea. "Don't eat people?" "NO! What's the lesson?"

hard to smile back thru the bandages & casts & tubes & instruments attached to me, but the lesson I got about proper undies hygiene was worth it. "Mom," I rasped "I'll always wear

my undies lodged in my buttcrack." She smoothed my hair just the way I liked it, smiling down at me.Sure, the eternal wedgie would be uncomfortable, but it would keep me "woke".

When the crack in the wedgie in my crack, I stay woke. When blue white men say they really my friend, I stay woke. When the orange cretin give me a beatin', I stay very, very woke!