Something crashed hard on the balcony. I

Something crashed hard on the balcony. I looked out, but the light from the living room only extended a foot or two though the sliding glass door. The glass fogged and cleared.

I couldn't see whoever it was, but I could see their breath fogging up the window. Screaming like a Texan girl, I

put war paint on my face like a Shoshone. I road buck-naked into the Walmart on the back of a Grizzly Bear and demanded they stop selling any books authored by

Sarah Palin (well, "authored" is a stretch). The wonderful thing about my mime performance was that my demands were "shouted" in utter silence. My idols, Shields and Yarnelle,

clapped soundlessly in the aisles and the rest of the audience followed their lead. That would explain why the theater was so quiet after my mime performance. It was only fitting.

I mimed getting out of costume & makeup, mimed goodnight to the stage-manager. Then I mimed standing in the subway, pitching back & forth on the way home. My dog mimed licking me &

himself. Then I mimed lying down, and weeping into my pillow. Woe was the life of a mime. I couldn't even tell Lucille that I loved her. Damn Ronald and his penchant for

piercing the eardrums of his exgirlfriends with an awl. The wanton act left Lucille deaf, which combined with her congenital blindness made it very difficult for her to understand

what was going on. Lucille had been blind since birth and had grown to relay on her hearing. Now with the loss of sound she was helpless and had little chance of escape. She

would have to find her way with her acute sense of smell now. She followed her nose and moved to Haiti and lived happily ever after...