My next novel is: '49 shades of beige'. Mensaque

My next novel is: '49 shades of beige'. Mensaque can write the rude bits. I'll write the descriptions of... trees & stuff, maybe the odd joke. Do they have jokes in erotic fiction?

Are you kidding? The whole thing is a joke. I mean how many different euphemisms for sexual foreplay & consummation can you string together in a novel? Lets rename it '69 shades of

RED, because oh boy is my Auntie Mimi's face gonna turn red when she reads my new sexy novel. She was my inspiration, you see, because when I was little, I used to hide & watch her

come out of her morning shower. I didn't think much of it at the time. Looking back, I always imagined her ruby toenail polish and the water dripping off her legs. She'll never

be able to see her toes while standing upright. After all, she weighed 350 on a good day. She was watching her favorite extreme workout video while lying on the floor lifting her

kielbasa and dipping in cheese sauce. Then she put on her pudding snorkel. She loaded 10,000 gallons of boston cream pie filling in the upstairs tub, drilled a hole thru the floor

imagine that the poison he had put in her porridge had worked and killed her and this was the gooey mess that was left when the aliens ate her from the inside while the nanos ate

at Denny's. At any rate, Goldilocks would never again break into homes and eat food and break furniture. The bears buried what was left of her in the garden and feigned innocence

at the press conference: "We know jack. We spent the morning in the woods doing what all bears do there. Our hearts go out to Goldilock's family- she had firm yet perky... oops..."