When did you ever hear me quote myself? That

When did you ever hear me quote myself? That is tantamount to reasonable because I am a very quotable guy. I once said about myself that I had lots of things to say about myself to

be able to remember them all. You know memory is like a sponge, you can't feed it forever. That quote was said by myself, at 23, during an ordinary lunch. I once said something abo

ut spinach so profound that Brainyquotes bought exclusive rights to all my bodily utterances and employed a Nigerian guy called Adewole to follow me round updating in realtime eve

ry time I burped, farted or grunted. I'm easygoing but took exception to Adewole's transcription I let a nearly silent one pass - "ffrttt" would have been adequate but he wrote "

sounds like air running out of a tire with the air valve exploding at the end." An inaccurate and verbose description of my flatulence.However, fart onomatopoeia is a noble pursuit

and I was vindicated when we discovered a civilization of cloud dwellers in Jupiter's atmosphere who communicated via intricately nuanced gas emissions. My shipmates, however,

were not versed in intricately nuanced gas emissions, and I was, once again, banished from the U. S. S. Perfect Vodka space station and sent to prison. The Jupiter cloud dwellers

heard my alcoholic screams, took pity on me and busted me out of prison, as long as I promised to marry a large bug-like creature with a face like a derriere whose name was Ghuh.

At this point my pet baboon grabbed the creature in its hands. Never underestimate a baboon's hands and quickness. Manny the baboon and his wife trapped Ghuh in the tree. Together,

they threw Ghuh off the top of the tree, and watched as his Ghuh went tumbling into the thick jungle below.