When did you ever hear me quote myself? That

  • When did you ever hear me quote myself? That is tantamount to reasonable because I am a very quotable guy. I once said about myself that I had lots of things to say about myself to

  • be able to remember them all. You know memory is like a sponge, you can't feed it forever. That quote was said by myself, at 23, during an ordinary lunch. I once said something abo

  • ut spinach so profound that Brainyquotes bought exclusive rights to all my bodily utterances and employed a Nigerian guy called Adewole to follow me round updating in realtime eve

  • ry time I burped, farted or grunted. I'm easygoing but took exception to Adewole's transcription I let a nearly silent one pass - "ffrttt" would have been adequate but he wrote "

  • sounds like air running out of a tire with the air valve exploding at the end." An inaccurate and verbose description of my flatulence.However, fart onomatopoeia is a noble pursuit

  • and I was vindicated when we discovered a civilization of cloud dwellers in Jupiter's atmosphere who communicated via intricately nuanced gas emissions. My shipmates, however,

  • were not versed in intricately nuanced gas emissions, and I was, once again, banished from the U. S. S. Perfect Vodka space station and sent to prison. The Jupiter cloud dwellers

  • heard my alcoholic screams, took pity on me and busted me out of prison, as long as I promised to marry a large bug-like creature with a face like a derriere whose name was Ghuh.

  • At this point my pet baboon grabbed the creature in its hands. Never underestimate a baboon's hands and quickness. Manny the baboon and his wife trapped Ghuh in the tree. Together,

  • they threw Ghuh off the top of the tree, and watched as his Ghuh went tumbling into the thick jungle below.



  1. m80 Jul 03 2017 @ 22:28

    "intricately nuanced gas emissions" - Lol

  2. SlimWhitman Jul 04 2017 @ 02:26

    The floaters of the comos prefer this phrase to "fart talkers".

  3. m80 Jul 04 2017 @ 11:05

    I dunno why, but I find the silliness of fart jokes funnier as I get older. Here's more: A paranormal crew investigates a mysterious sound in this SNL skit with Hugh Laurie: "Most Haunted" - http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/snl-most-haunted-infrared-fart/83695609/

  4. BlastedHeath Jul 08 2017 @ 18:06

    Hahah, m80, as if we don't also. ;-)

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