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I tend to evaluate my life decisions in long

  • I tend to evaluate my life decisions in long car trips. Tonight was no different, one single burden briefly illuminated by the alternating glow of street lights.

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  • It was dark on the streets. My parents refused to stop at a rest station or motel for worry of losing pace, while I sulked in a seemingly uncomfortable position in the back seat.

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  • On the side of the road, an old man with ragged clothes and a gandalf beard waved at our car. We pulled over to see what he wanted

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  • He asked us if we could give him a ride to the Freemont Hotel for The Hobbit convention

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  • "You cannot be serious!" Cried John McEnroe from the back seat. "Hop in, son." I said "Freemont Hotel's a long way, hold on tight!". I engaged drive level 9 and the thrusters

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  • eased us up to 88mph. "You better back up", said John, "you'll need more road." I smiled, "Rhodes ? Where we're going we don't need...Rhodes." The different spelling was lost on

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  • John, who had managed to direct over 12 films without once learning how to spell. Torqued, John pushed me out of the way and stomped on the gas while I clung to the side of the car

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  • . His next movie idea was "Tequila and the Bee" about a spelling bee/drinking game. I yelled over the engine that his idea was "novel and genius". Charmed, he stopped the car.

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  • Puzzled I looked around and then at him. His bedroom eyes were on. Oh, now I understood. He was one of those who saw any positive interaction as carte blanche to take it carnal. I

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  • crushed his advances by offering him my body if he could accomplish one easy task: Leap from my 45th floor apartment balcony. Thinking with his other brain, he leapt to his death.

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