I tend to evaluate my life decisions in long

I tend to evaluate my life decisions in long car trips. Tonight was no different, one single burden briefly illuminated by the alternating glow of street lights.

It was dark on the streets. My parents refused to stop at a rest station or motel for worry of losing pace, while I sulked in a seemingly uncomfortable position in the back seat.

He asked us if we could give him a ride to the Freemont Hotel for The Hobbit convention

"You cannot be serious!" Cried John McEnroe from the back seat. "Hop in, son." I said "Freemont Hotel's a long way, hold on tight!". I engaged drive level 9 and the thrusters

eased us up to 88mph. "You better back up", said John, "you'll need more road." I smiled, "Rhodes ? Where we're going we don't need...Rhodes." The different spelling was lost on

John, who had managed to direct over 12 films without once learning how to spell. Torqued, John pushed me out of the way and stomped on the gas while I clung to the side of the car

. His next movie idea was "Tequila and the Bee" about a spelling bee/drinking game. I yelled over the engine that his idea was "novel and genius". Charmed, he stopped the car.

Puzzled I looked around and then at him. His bedroom eyes were on. Oh, now I understood. He was one of those who saw any positive interaction as carte blanche to take it carnal. I

crushed his advances by offering him my body if he could accomplish one easy task: Leap from my 45th floor apartment balcony. Thinking with his other brain, he leapt to his death.