Her smile was as infectious as the plague,

Her smile was as infectious as the plague, even to the boys who were told by their fathers not to ever, ever bring an Indian girl home. I didn’t care about any of that. One kiss

from Alanis Morissette, leader of the horse-faced people was my balm of Gilead and sweeter than a kiss from any Indian - red dot *or* woo-woo. You see, I'd been searching

for horse-faced people for a long time. Posiedon had created horses for Demeter, but Horse-faced people? They were made by Jerry Lewis, like Beth Ostroski, or Melissa Rivers, or

your mom. "That's not the way this is supposed to work!", you would say. And I'd say, "Can it, spaghetti nose! The horse-faced people have feelings too! And giant hands. And

you know what they say about large hands....

Huge gloves! Everyone stared at me and an awkward silence was created.

The silence continued, for hours. We were like statues. Lush, beautiful statues, with huge gloves. Gloves and alcohol. And peppermint candy. I had the last one.

peyote. I really am not the best reference on the exact timeline of the evening. But I do recall that Tracy was really really upset about something, and I do still have a minty

air freshner in my car. But i do remember yelling, "We're in Bat Country!" Just before