She was radiant. With a scoop neck tee, gold

She was radiant. With a scoop neck tee, gold cross around her neck, and her hair in an updo like that all I could think about was

Terri Gross. I don't care how beautiful my date is, I'm in love with NPR's Terri Gross. Her smoth voice, her strangley seductive journalistic distance, her thoughtful questions

Just the way she called out to me on every show. "This is (for you) NPR". I, Nathan Presidente Radcliffe, could stand the wait no longer. I will have you, Terri Gross!

infinite connection between us. I would make her my wife. Mrs Radcliffe suits her so much. It's just destiny, that I would ask her to marry me after the show.

But wait! I didn't have a ring! I needed a ring worthy of our infinite connection. I had a half hour before the show would end. I was out of breath by the time I got to Tiffany's.

"This gemstone is cloudier than my illegitimate hippy son's room, but it will surely win her heart." I rushed back to the show, but my date was getting cozy in the green room with

barrack obama, I was shocked that she was cheating on me. I went to barrack obama and gave him the biggest black eye of his life

he said to get nuclear weapons to attack me

-- I just hung my head. I was mostly immune to physical and energy attacks, but just hearing that really got to me. It took quite a while before we eventually worked things out.