She has this theory that people who don't

She has this theory that people who don't like dogs aren't really people. After a lengthy explanation, the judge

the sense the rest of the neighborhood was. They would have responded by placing varied roadkill around and on his front doorstep. Then run home to watch

the football game before the news. It was bound to be on there: how could it not? They were always showing this sort of stuff, and then he'd be famous! Famous for

tackling his own mascot. How was he to have known that "Chucky Beaver" was standing behind him waving at fans. He hung his head in shame and while looking down, discovered

a simple gold ring embedded in the grass. From somewhere deep inside his gut came the words: "My Precious..." He had heard those words before, a long time ago in a far away land

just before his home-made napalm ignited and the fire wind decimated every tree within 500 yards. What a long way to go to get a plastic duck. If only he

had gone to Archie McPhee's website like I told him to. Now he wouldn't be standing there with an ineffective extinguisher, thinking of Robert Duvall cuing "Ride of the Valkyries"

I promised myself I'd never let a man do that sort of thing to me again. It's just not right.

Well, it's kind of right under the right circumstances, but who ever thinks of marrying a night of Barry Manilow with Bacardi 151 and ginger snaps? The crumbs caused tingles in