The arial only recieved two signals, a French-Canadian

The arial only recieved two signals, a French-Canadian Curling Channel and a Baptist Home Shopping Network. But when the storms came, a new picture emerged from the static snow.

It was a man in a red suit. "Mayday mayday, this is SC#352 repeat 3 5 2. Down in Northern Nova Scotia. GPS out. Sending up Rudolf Aurora flare." Jimmy's eyes widened. The night sky

but then I remembered that God only helps those who help themselves. I haven't really done much for myself lately. This flight was going down. I ran for the bar cart.

..and I helped myself. At that moment, it was if the very hand of God lifted the aircraft & put us safely back on course. All of us then heard God say "Now go into the world, and

be good to each other. Thrive." That was all I needed to hear. When we landed I emailed my resignation letter, instructed my financial adviser to cash me out and moved to Mexico.

Weeks later I received a hand delivered reply. A small grey haired man stood furtively at my front door holding the missive. When I had read through it, I was totally shocked, I ha

d been entered into a competition which may result in my winning �1,000! He also handed me a squishy packet. "The entrails of bats are hard to read, but you have The Gift, my frien

d! Slice it open and tell me what you see!" Well, I did just that, and I just saw a load of blood and guts. It was a bit disappointing, so I shoved them in his face and fucked off.

He sued me, what with the whole mashing a spleen in his face thing, but it turned out the judge was a Golden Retriever so the suit was thrown out. A huge misunderstanding, really.