Many rebelled when they read his manifestos,

Many rebelled when they read his manifestos, unwilling to consider the truth they contained. But some realized the activist was right, especially those who ate their own shorts.

Yes, the Declaration of Shame was perhaps the most infuential manifesto of the twenty first century, and the Linen Eating Lions were the activist group that would supposedly

make waste of our collective bedsheets, rendering the world a minor fraction more of discomfort in the night as guilt pounded within on our heads. The Shamemaker beeped and booped

and sparked and fizzled, then shook itself apart with the huge bass drop and wub-wubs that could only come from a bad dubstep song. Our guilty bedsheets were ruined by the digital

ejaculation they were depicting while frozen. Instead of a wet spot our sheets had a hot spot that you didn't need a UV light to see. The situation called for some wah wah guitar.

Instead we got a "wah wah" brass instrument--I don't remember the name. It doesn't sound exactly like a trumpet or tuba or saxomaphone, but I'm no music teacher. I don't even drink

lemonade in case the sugar rots my teeth. So let’s say I live life far from the edge, except when it comes to

Kool-Aid. Embellish the mundane. In my ‘frig, kids discover Blue Lemonade Jungle Juice, Kool-Aid Vodka Slush, and Ruby Tuesday Killer Kool-Aid. It’s no wonder I’m so popular.

Moms love them, too. And now we offer Capri Splash Tequila Grape Sunrise in handy packets that you can just toss to the kids in the back seat, whenever they act up, while you enjoy

our new line of snortable cannibis, Capri Canna-Snorts in various strains to calm what ails you. It makes the traffic leaving soccer practice seem like a tenable proposition. ~FIN~