I like big spuds and I cannot lie, hashbrowns

I like big spuds and I cannot lie, hashbrowns or big steak fries, when I see one baked with bacon flakes my inside start to shake, Idaho or new, you just can't get

a few, you get spuds! Wanna get many because you just can't get one. Oh baby, I wanna eat cha..." The song on the radio blared loudly in his small car. He loved potatoes, he wanted

He changed his name to "Spud", too: Spud Starchy McStarchPants. He looked in the mirror and reveled in his appearance. "If only I could find a foodie as dedicated as I am, to

sausages, perhaps. They would be the perfect duo; bangers and mash. His starchiness and his soul mate's meatiness would go hand in hand. He couldn't wait until

they were alone together. They could eat Italian food together and talk about the good ol' times in the Phantom Regiment back when they were young and skinny.

He ordered brodetto di San Benedetto del Tronto, maccheroni alla chitarra, ossibuchi alla toscana with maccu di San Giuseppe followed by sfogliatelle. His friend had a cheese pizza

With broccoli, spinach and artichokes. Nobby, his comrade, ordered half of it with pepperoni and bacon. No vegetarian foods for him, unless his doctor ordered him to do that. A

human is meant to eat meat, no matter what those hippys said.

Yet one day meat will turn the tables. "Soon," the cow continued, "we will taste the sweet, smoky flesh of our oppressors. Only the vegans will be spared." The animals cheered.