Diamond had been America's match company

Diamond had been America's match company since 1881. He knew because he saw the logo each time he lit something on fire. He preferred stick matches because they were more organic.

And he liked living out puns. "Time to stick it to the Man," and "The Man's met his match," he said as corporate HQ went up in flames. His eyes lit up like diamonds as the sirens

which resulted in the tragic NY Public Library Fire, where coincidentally several translations of Homer's Odyssey were the only thing saved from the flame. Ulysses, guilted by what

he knew he'd done to that sheep, was deep in his cups at the local watering hole when the fire broke out. Ulysses assumed the fire was a sign from his father and took it to mean

that there was danger. As fire usually meant. Ulysses freaked out.

"Why is there HUMAN FLESH everywhere?" He would ask. It was a good question, humans are rarely found of Mount Olympus, and the stench was preventing their caucus from

traversing the peak in a comfortable fashion. It was a rotten stench, one that quivered their very souls, and they were pretty certain it might give them cancer. They hoped that

by holding their breath, they could keep the cancer at bay. But instead they passed out and tumbled headlong down the mountain, their bodies becoming giant snowballs. At the bottom

was placed a monument memorializing the event, and it was passed on from generation to generation as a morality tale to warn the children of the dangers of failing at life.