"Your hairs gray." "You have crow's feet".

"Your hairs gray." "You have crow's feet". "It take you an hour to pee." "Your thighs look like cottage cheese someone threw up on a hot sidewalk." "You always had a tiny penis."

"Wait." Lloyd held up his hand. "I need a moment." Edith, his wife, & the geriatric sex therapist waited. Catharsis my ass, thought Lloyd. Had Edith always thought he was inadequat

ely capitalized? That golddigger. He would show her. He got a platinum credit card and took Edith's sister, Irma, out on a night on the town. Oh, Lloyd spared no expense. He even

bought Irma a gherkin to go with her bag of chips. They sat on a park bench & watched the ducks. Finally Lloyd could bear it no longer. "Irma, I'm in love with Edith." "My sister?"

Yes, it was true. Irma and I were identical twins. We crashed the car and neither of us was given a ticket.

We had always known how to play off of each other and use our looks to get away with just about anything. No one could tell us apart, right down to the beauty mark on our left arm.

That's right, we were rare "in tandem" Siamese Twins and shared a left arm. Wherever I went, my twin was in front of me, bit sometimes that worked in my favor, like in pie fights.

I had learned the back of my Tandem Siamese Twin's head like a book. One day his head began to form a crack. The crack grew and oozed. It was revolting until I realized that if

it was happening at such an escalating fashion that we would all be out of on the edges of known space if his head kept on growing like this. That would put me to far from my fat

happy place, the comfort zone. Oh, how I love the zone. Perhaps my stomach would grow bigger than my head in due time. I wasn't in any hurry. I had all the time in the Universe!