Janice realized Matt liked somebody else

Janice realized Matt liked somebody else when he returned to school with the same cold as Allie, whom he went to the dance with. Apparently he preferred Allie's snot over her own.

So Janice stood in the mirror making really mean faces and sneers while she hatched a plan to make Allie the laughingstock of the school by ladling gobs of

pureed peas down the back of Allie's pants. Janice stole the peas and the biggest, best spatula she'd ever seen from the school cafeteria. Let the ladling begin.

Every year the school holds a memorial for the great pea soup flood of 97. The victims were caught in a wave of soup that spilled out of the cafeteria and towards the gym

and into the pool. The schools swimming team was "pead on". The new principle Mr. Cambell was nervous when started his speech to honor the departed. "Pea soup is a terrible way to

It collapsed under him. He had been warned it needed repairs but never did anything. That was in 2012. This was 2016, when all platforms were showing signs of brain damage. Imagine

his surprise when a city bond package passed allocating 20 trillion dollars to platform improvements. He could now build the greatest platform ever imagined. "Off to Home Depot" he

chortled as his platform shoe slammed down on the gas pedal. But to his dismay, all the prices for the platform materials were too low for him to read from up there on his shoes.

Had he been able to read, he would have seen that he was scurrying down road 69, the one that had been abandoned due to the risk of opening a second sink hole from the old mine