"Smut, smut and more smut!" shrieked the

"Smut, smut and more smut!" shrieked the Quaker, slamming the tomes down on the counter. "Is that too much to ask from a library book??!". The librarian, adjusting the strap of her

push up bra, looked seductively over the top of her glasses & said, "You want MORE smut? You got it!" It's true what they say about sexy librarians. The Quaker quaked at the sight

Out came some melons. It was my first time with melons so I didn't know what to do.

So I just followed my gut and grabbed them firmly

the both of them hard and seemingly fertile

they were pointier than mt everest

the new elf shoes felt comfy, but I wasnt sure if they were really me. I looked at my feet in the mirror & started to feel pressure from the sales guy. SOLD! I wore my new elf-shoe

s - bright, shiny, green and gold as they were - out of the store and into the North Pole shopping centre. Some people stopped and stared, green with envy, I just knew it.

But the North Pole crap was so yesteryear. I mean really, is anyone sick of red and white yet? My god, can trade this sleigh in for a real car. Something that gets Sirius XM anyway

, or at least with a sunroof. And so, Santa Claus got a brand new sleigh, manufactured by Honda, with satellite radio and airbag collision detection. Santa never crashed again.