The Civil-verse was plagued with associated

The Civil-verse was plagued with associated tourists. They self ported through the Master Press like worms in a carcass. My job was to give them a reason to go home.

I'm Agent Archo with Civil-verse Port Authority. Returning Illegally ported tourists to their Protoverse is my job. "Eridian Floaters decending on methane fountains of Trithus"

I would sing as I strummed my lute and guided the shackled tourists to Transporter 61B. It was just before the Konsumitall holiday of 2674.01 when the great transporter disaster

ruined the package tourist business to Zerta )(, the subsequent rioting leading to Emperor U walking the streets accompanied by Terpsichorean camel and a whispering gnorge. My lute

Was producing something straight out of the Elizabethan era. The Emperor applauded and hired me as the court musician. Or one of them. It was a dream come true. My lute made me a

target in the court of the Monkey King but here my lute made me a Rock Star. I was invited to all the great salons but I couldn't attend any of them. I was chained by my vow to be

Until eventually I only knew how to play The Monkees by the similarly named band banned throughout the Monkey kingdom. I was to be peeled and eaten at dawn. That night in th prison

mess hall, a coupla nuts and me decided to split. What did we have to lose? We hid in garbage pails and were taken out at midnight. I was a free fruit at last. If only I hadn't hum

ped the leg of a Chinese sailor named Fun who knew me as the AWOL fruit (the nuts were rounded up not far from the trash); Fun took me back to the mess hall before chowtime ended.