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Linda married and divorced her first awkward

  • Linda married and divorced her first awkward turtle. The turtle struggled with drug and alcohol abuse, and went through recovery in the mid 1990s. After marrying his second

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  • wife before divorcing Linda, he decided that polygamy was not quite enough. With a gaggle of little people and miniature horses- all of whom he married and consummated at once, he

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  • walked away, chaffed beyond belief, and looking for an open Walgreens to buy some salve to ease the redness and relieve the painful abrasions he didn't want to think about.

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  • After leaving Walgreens, the emollient oozed out of the tube onto the shaft of his stickshift, and his riding companion chuckled in delight at the mess that they were making

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  • it was an ooey gooey embarrassment. She blushed. He raised an eyebrow (like The Rock).

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  • The Rock was not amused.

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  • Just what he'd been cooking was starting to burn.

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  • He set the pan down and it occurred to him that the charred macaroni was an allegory for his career as a "pro" wrestler.

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  • With his bubbly visage and the bread crumbs he was rolled in, Krafty was the target of unbelievable WWE fan abuse. “Chee-si-est!t” they’d cry, with giant foam spoons raised!

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  • But he would show them. The Cheese Ray was done. He was going to be the Top Cheese. 1 million dollars be damned. Tonight. it. ends.

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