Linda married and divorced her first awkward

Linda married and divorced her first awkward turtle. The turtle struggled with drug and alcohol abuse, and went through recovery in the mid 1990s. After marrying his second

wife before divorcing Linda, he decided that polygamy was not quite enough. With a gaggle of little people and miniature horses- all of whom he married and consummated at once, he

walked away, chaffed beyond belief, and looking for an open Walgreens to buy some salve to ease the redness and relieve the painful abrasions he didn't want to think about.

After leaving Walgreens, the emollient oozed out of the tube onto the shaft of his stickshift, and his riding companion chuckled in delight at the mess that they were making

it was an ooey gooey embarrassment. She blushed. He raised an eyebrow (like The Rock).

The Rock was not amused.

Just what he'd been cooking was starting to burn.

He set the pan down and it occurred to him that the charred macaroni was an allegory for his career as a "pro" wrestler.

With his bubbly visage and the bread crumbs he was rolled in, Krafty was the target of unbelievable WWE fan abuse. “Chee-si-est!t” they’d cry, with giant foam spoons raised!