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He slid the chair aside and she looked up

  • He slid the chair aside and she looked up from the menu. Her eyes flashed something he couldn't catch and she handed him a menu with a smile. "Are you aware that you're 37 seconds

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  • late for the free breakfast at Denny's on your birthday? He sobbed. He pounded the table grieving and gurgling and said, "

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  • Why does society force us to pee standing up when we all know it's more comfortable to sit down?" His blood sugar was dangerously low and he was liable to start really embarrassing

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  • himself, for he had never learned urinal ettiquete. Instead of going to the farthest unit from the peeing man, he sidled up next to him, and made small talk. "Seen any good movies

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  • latelly?The peeing man looked at him like was insane and ,freaking out shoved his dick back into his pants and got out of the bathroom as fast as he could.A security guard entered

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  • "What's goin on round here? Why was that guy running out still peeing under his pants?" "Uhm, nothing officer, I guess he was overwhelmed by this big

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  • douchebag in a police uniform!" I retorted whilst flipping the double birds. I got a huge fine, but the officer completely forgot about my friend, so it was totally

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  • a great day for that guy. A few days later me and my buddy were out carjacking people for a few quick laughs, when who rolls up again? You guessed it, officer douchebag. Why did

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  • that officer carry a douchebag around anyway? As if reading my mind, he said, "My wife died when our house burnt down. Her douchebag is all that survived the blaze." He held it

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  • aloft. I couldn't help but notice how burned it was. "You could sell that" I said. He ignored me and threw it overboard to the starving dolphins to fulfill his wife's last request.

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