When she walked into my office, I knew that

When she walked into my office, I knew that this was going to be a day that I would always remember. She wore

a handmade skirt, fashioned from those plastic mesh wrappers that keep Clementines together in the grocer's aisle. I was trying to produce a top notch pickup line when the phone

buzzed in my pocket, but I'd just eaten a peanut butter cracker & dropped my bottle of water. What would have been the most romantic line ever sounded like an injured, but aroused

simile, "You make me feel like a Bull Moose freshly shot during a rutting." That's what he gets for watching the Animal channel so much. He'd totally lost his ability to relate to

me. I spent all my time watching SyFy. It's like we were from two different worlds. He'd tell me about erotic monkey displays and I'd say "Mawn'ki? Are they from Pandora?" and he'd

fly into a rage, as I had once again forgotten his hatred of James Cameron. This time though it seemed maybe I'd forgotten one time too many, as he brandished a large steak-knife,

shouting, "HOW DARE YOU MENTION AVATAR IN FRONT OF ME!" I cowered from his knife and sputtered, "I'm sorry, I forgot you hate that movie - um - let's go see Titanic?" I realized my

mistake as soon as I had said it. So we went to see Titanic. And it was boring. We proceeded to walk out from the theater and a large monster car pulled up and we were

Michelle said with a yawn. "Nothing ever happens here." So we did.