It was 7:30 in the AM and 10 below, but there

It was 7:30 in the AM and 10 below, but there we were standing on top of the mountain in our

crotchless lederhosen. I've always been one to honor a skiing bet, so I couldn't complain, but who would have guessed

she was waiting. Just around the corner from the third tower stood Elizabeth in a white fur coat. What could I

say to her to make her go away. I told her i was gay, but that seemed to make her smile all the more. I decided to just tell her the truth. I walked over to her and

grabbed her by the hand. i looked sorrowfully in her eyes. "Shit", she moaned, "You're either breaking up with me, or you're gay." Damn, she's good. "Honey," I said thoughtfully

Aloha. Because it means hello and goodbye. That can get confusing when dealing with screaming fans, especially in the city of

Sandusky, Ohio, where most people don't have all their teeth - let alone speak fluent Hawaiian. "Aloha" might as well meant, "I'm different from you - beat me up" to the assembled

corn whiskey convention of dental misfits and blind grain alcoholics. Island bliss had left me one shade too tan in a town waiting for a whites sale at Overstock.com. "Ned Beatty!

Visions of Ned Beatty and Burt Reynolds continued to haunt my dreams. I thought that would be the worst of it. Never did I imagine that I'd live my own version of "Delivarence."